So much has transpired since my last post that I don’t think it’s worth trying to detail.
What I will say is that the tumours have grown considerably enough that with the shape my body is in we don’t believe I can tolerate chemotherapy any more.
So. Big decisions have been made this week as we recognize that the disease has progressed rapidly enough that I’m at the end of life discussions now.
Six years of effort and planning have now come down to one week of mind boggling acceptance.
I have moved from an M1 designation to a C1 designation (goals of care) which basically mean no exploration ( lab work) no interventions like ERCP. Instead our new philosophy is to focus on comfort and safety. We’ll still be keeping the ol body going but more from a let’s deal with the situation and make it a comfortable scene vs a medical intervention scene.Not gonna try and fix it as it’s part of this next phase.
This is a step towards death. And both Tracey and I are at peace with the situation.
Tracey and I have chosen our first hospice destination on the list, and are hopeful we’ll get in to Rosedale. A lovely 7 patient space in a beautiful home.
We will be here at the hospital until a room opens up.
In the meantime we are activating the MAID program. As my oncologist has said you look like you have 2-3 weeks but your body is very open to the risk of infection, which could mean one or two days.
MAID will be in the background till my health lets us know we need some help.
Whole MAID ordeal is approx 5-7 minutes, but I am knocked out after the first needle. Not 100% sure Maid will ultimately be used but is on the ready as a safety net.
We envision, and will be treating Hospice, as our second home away from home. it’s got everything we need to host the whole family. And I’m allowed in-out privileges.
I’m a lucky man and owe it to Tracey’s persevere and guidance on finding MY way to hospice vs home.
Tracey and I are at such peace with where we are at. From finding Cancer close to 8 years ago, to metastatic cancer 6.5 years ago to today with a billion surgeries and twists and turns we did it together.
We faced some of the hardest things a couple and family could face, and we did by treating it as ’our’ experience, we each had our roles and for the most part is worked beautifully. Our mutual respect got us through the tough moments. We could walk away angry then regroup, share, then every time we were back on a same side.
Our kids have been an integral part of the process. We kept them in the loop throughout the ordeal and they have told us they appreciated being included. They are soon to be home and we look forward to asking and answering so many questions, this time will be spent bonding with Tracey and the kids. It’s a truly family moment.
I’m excited. I hope they ask tough questions. I hope they too can find peace, although I think it may take some time.
Thank you to all the family, friends, medical teams, spiritual guides, business partners that have guided us to our final moments of peace!
More to come as we digest the concept of hospice.
PS written while on hydromorph, you may need to read between lines or finish sentences on your own.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️