I can always see it coming from afar. I can sense it approaching and by using the calendar I have a pretty good sense on when it will arrive. I call it the darkness as it’s akin to a dark cloud that envelopes you and tries to immobilize you in a myriad of ways.
The first signs start with simple things like sensitive fingers and broken nails. I always know the darkness is near when I start catching my fingernails on my clothes and bedsheets. Then the cough starts. Followed by runny nose and itchy skin. But these are just the early signs, the real darkness happens when fatigue, a headache, brain fog (chemo brain) sore throat and joints.
Once this darkness is upon you the only real option is to challenge it. Well, I guess there is the option to succumb to it by sitting in a chair, covered by a blanket staring at a wall or watching TV….but who wants to do that for two months straight. And to challenge it is to practice mindfullness, be full of gratitude, keep moving, maintain a social life, sleep well and get good nutrition. And even then you are still enveloped by the darkness but you can pull rays of light towards you while in the zen moment created by the above.
My best example of keeping the darkness at bay is to keep moving and to play. If I am out skiing I don’t think of the side effects, if I’m playing a sport like tennis I am only focused on the game, if I’m out for a walk with someone I am only focussing on my feet and the conversation. When I am moving there is no darkness.
When I am sitting in a chair then I can feel it surrounding me and I start focussing on all the side effects. All I want to do is sleep as I am so lethargic. I must keep moving. Little distractions help.
For the last couple of months I have had so many conversations with people that have had the Omicron version of Covid. What I have figured out is that the symptoms that debilitate them are pretty much the same as being on Chemotherapy. Fatigue, brain fog, headache, sore throat, runny nose and sometimes joint pain.
What I find most interesting, and as I type it, it feels a bit like a humble brag, is that what knocks them out for a few days is what I have to live with all the time (except when on a chemo break).
And I call it the darkness. And when you don’t push against it with movement etc. it can look a lot like depression. And that is not a nice place to be.
So if you are on Chemotherapy, or just starting out on a program, my advice is to keep moving, build distractions, and layer this over a healthy diet, good sleep routines, reducing stress and using mindfullness and mediation to keep you in the flow of things.
Or just get Covid, the Omicron version, and you’ll feel normal again.
