I did a scan of my recent posts and had two observations:
I have been having bigger time gaps between posting
Many of my posts have been about chemotherapy breaks.
I feel pressure when I don’t post and it’s usually when I’ve gone for a long streak that I start getting messages asking if I’m ok. Once I get one or two of these I know it’s time to do a post. I certainly answer the message directly and assure them I’m ok but I figure if a couple have asked then the odds are good others are wondering.
In large part I don’t post if I don’t have something relevant to say. I’m not posting in order to get followers, I’m posting to update people on my health, to provide information to those that have cancer and are looking for reassurance or for information that can help them on their journey, and I’m posting because I’ve learned that sharing is cathartic and that I’m enjoying the creative aspect of the blog.
So these days when I’m feeling well I don’t feel I have lots to add. But maybe I should think that through as the good times need to be discussed and celebrated as well. Many times that good time comes as a result of taking a break from the toxicity of the chemo, which explains #2 above.
As I write this I think I’m going to take a deeper look into the change that occurs when you go from emergency mode with lots of drama, pain and hospitalization to treating this like a chronic illness.
Which is how I’ve positioned it in my brain, I’m presently not in dire straits, instead I’m living with a chronic illness that will take me to the end. An end I believe that is a long ways away.
Both scenarios have their trappings, and probably the dominant difference is the sense of control. I feel more in control these days.
I know how important sleep is, I know how detrimental stress is, I better understand the priority that nutrition and exercise place in my daily routine. I am fastidious when it comes to when I take my many medications. I know to drink a lot of water. It’s as though I’m training for a marathon.
Actually that’s true, I am now on a marathon. I’ve transitioned from the sprint competitions to a long distance challenge. And I’m learning along the way that it’s a very different race indeed.
I won’t forget the sprints, it’s important to remember those difficult times, it makes these times that much better. You gotta go to the bottom to know how it feels and when you climb back up it’s all the more sweet.
I appreciate where I am at on the journey, it’s still a challenge but I’m coping very well with it.
So, that was a long way of saying I’m ok. Thanks for asking.
PS I haven’t asked my oncologist if he feels I can call it chronic yet. This is my interpretation.